you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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