Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
