My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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