rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
