he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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