I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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