oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
