As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He passed out mid-signature
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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