ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
