His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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