Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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