Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
