Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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