mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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