Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
only you would photoshop your dick
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
