thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
