Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Two words: blizzard sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
