Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
