giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you traded sex for a burrito?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
