And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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