Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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