Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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