Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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