Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
