She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
