whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
