So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
