ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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