you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
