I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
