Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
