i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
