I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
