it was like his penis was on wheels.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
