My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
