So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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