No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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