I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
