So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Come on in and take your pants off
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