I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Soap is not a condiment
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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