I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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