Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
