So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
