hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
