Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
