then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
