u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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