I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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