hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
