In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
