It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
