I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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