Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
